25 Things You Only Know if You Ride a Motorbike


I’m sure there’s loads more so please leave yours in the comments…

1. You’re invisible. Other drivers don’t see you, so expect all cars to pull out on you at junctions and roundabouts. ‘Hello!’ *waves*

2. Old people in gold Rover 75s and green Jaguar X-Types will block your way as you lane-split slow moving traffic. Guaranteed.

3. Lorries doing 50mph in the opposite direction on an A-road are like giant, fast-moving brick walls with an innate malicious intent.

4. If you think the weather is brightening up and so leave without your waterproofs it will definitely rain when you’re twenty minutes down the road.

5. Getting that knowing head nod from other bikers as you pass each other is a cool secret that ‘normal’ people don’t know is a thing.

6. You never have to sit in traffic jams ever again.

7. You’re always at the front for traffic lights…

8. …but the guy next to you in a Honda Civic Type R will try, fruitlessly, to beat you away from them.

9. You notice how windy it is and plan your journey to avoid particularly blustery bits.

10. You get bugs stuck in your beard.

11. Every time it rains, someone will ask you, ‘how do you see in this weather?’

12. At least once every journey, you secretly giggle inside your helmet at the sheer joy of riding a motorbike.

13. You regularly hold your breath at junctions and traffic lights to try and stop your visor misting up.

14. You don’t realise that you’re whistling until you pull up next to someone.

15. You commentate out loud on other drivers’ performances as you ride. ‘What the hell are they doing?!’

16. Every time you leave your bike parked somewhere unfamiliar you feel a knot of fear in the pit of your stomach until you get back to it not-stolen.

17. In winter, no gloves are warm enough.

18. Catching the foot pegs of your Harley-Davidson in corners is bloody good fun.

19. It makes you chuckle to think about how far you can go on 9-quid of fuel.

20. Your sense of smell adds more depth of colour to your journeys.

21. You watch car drivers in their wing mirrors to try and work out if they’ve seen you or not. They’re usually on their phone.

22. Fiat 500 drivers are invariably on Snapchat.

23. Drain covers are ridiculously slippery in the wet.

24. You still can’t believe this much fun and freedom is legal.

25. As you approach a cyclist you know they are most likely to go in literally any direction.


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